Monday, May 23, 2011

I'm the humor.

Mostly a rerun from June of last year:

This is hilarious:

As the Apostle Paul describes in Thessalonians as quoted above, at some point in the future Jesus will come in the air, catch up the Church from the earth, and then return to heaven with the Church. This is known as the Rapture and it will be glorious. But what of our pets? Who will take care of our pets when we're gone?
You have to read it to believe it. The thrust of the site is that they're setting up a network of non-Christian volunteers to take care of the left-behind pets once they've been raptured-up.

I laughed until I cried. Ask Father. He said it was "19th century heresy [dispensationalism] meets 21st century obsession."

One of the funniest and most bizarre things: They're more concerned with taking care of little Fluffy than with the souls of those caretakers!

Again, you have to read it. Truth is stranger than fiction.

[On the very slight off-chance that someone reading this may be confused as to where the Orthodox stand on the heresy of the Rapture: we reject it.]

Excerpt from an article by Fr. Anthony Coniaris included in Father's bulletin yesterday:
A major problem with the Rapture is that it ends up teaching not two but three comings of Jesus—first His birth in Bethlehem; second, His secret coming to snatch away (rapture) the “born-again”; and third, His coming at the end of the world to judge the living and the dead and to reign in glory. Yet only two not three comings of Christ are mentioned in the Bible. We have the clearest definition of this in the Nicene Creed when we confess that

“the Lord Jesus Christ…will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead. His Kingdom will have no end…. I expect the resurrection of the dead. And the life of the ages to come.”
There is no mention of a “Rapture”.
I encourage you to read the whole thing. It's very good.


  1. I've always wondered how Bible literalists get around the fact that Scripture says no man knows the day or the hour. It doesn't seem to stop some of them from a) making these predictions or b) believing in them.

    I was also wondering why they were more concerned about Fluffy than with the soul of Fluffy's caretaker. Maybe it's a Calvinist thing: those people are destined for perdition anyway?

  2. Snipped from the actual site:

    "Shouldn’t you be more concerned about the people left behind going to hell than pets?

    We don’t feel it’s an either-or situation. We can care about people AND pets. God tells us to be faithful in the “very little thing” in our Christian stewardship. Wouldn’t you consider stewardship over your pets as one of the “little things?” We will have to account for our stewardship...

    But shouldn’t you spend your time witnessing to the unsaved volunteers instead of caring about pets?

    First, if we didn’t promise NOT to contact our volunteers unless the Rapture occurs, there would be NO volunteers. These are non-believers, and they are not interested in someone trying to convert them after being so good as to sign up with us. But this IS a ministry to the unsaved after the Rapture. Let me explain.

    The Bible says there will be people saved after the Rapture. And what better way to prepare someone than to have them sign up to do something only if the Rapture happens? When they are alerted that the key people in our structure have simply disappeared, and they are asked to rescue and care for pets of Christians who have disappeared, what do you think will go through their heads?

    Additionally, with the email notifications of which pets to rescue, each of our caretakes will receive a text letter (similar to and a link to a video (similar to that is geared specifically for them.

    We care about souls AND animals. You don’t have to stop caring about animals in order to care about human souls."

    --the mental gyrations necessary for

  3. I heard about this on NPR Friday night (BBC World Service) and thought about blogging it, too, because it's so hilarious. The guest experts were pretty harsh on those buying this "rapture insurance."

  4. Of course, he could have been 13 days off for neglecting to take the Julian calendar into account. In which case, we actually have 11 days to go...


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