Thursday, October 20, 2011

This blog will not turn into "all about the baby". On the one hand, there's more going on in my life than that and on the other, there are still a lot of people struggling with infertility and loss who would like not to have it in their faces all the time. On the third hand (don't all mothers have three arms??) there's not much to say right now anyway. This is frankly more a time of worry and uncertainty than anything. To be honest, I don't know that I've had any moments of happiness or excitement yet. There was only the slightest bit of relief at seeing the heart beating on Tuesday. The measurement was a little smaller than I had expected and likewise the heart rate a little slower than expected. I did get the one picture (which I posted) but there's every chance that it will be going into a memory box. There's not going to be a time when I can sigh with relief and say that "all is well now". I know from losing Innocent at the end of the first trimester that you don't have to have any signs that anything is wrong to have lost everything. There is no "safe period". I will be spending the next 7 1/2 months worrying and praying, not nesting and planning.

Please keep us all in your prayers.

20 comments:

  1. Congratulations, Mat. Anna! Prayers for you and your little one.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I know so well those feelings. I will be praying for you. and for the little one

    ReplyDelete
  3. As Monica said, those feelings you described are uncomfortably familiar. But I have found (with time and healing) that they give an indescribable depth to the joy (joy, not happiness) and in some ways allow the joy to be that much fuller and richer.

    I remember feeling humbled when in my grief, I finally recognized what an honest-to-God-miracle life is, especially as seen in the lives of my three children here.

    After our losses, never again would I take any life for granted (and that manifested in curious ways: when we conceived again, it was more than a month before I would allow myself to even look up the baby's due date - which is now 36 days away).

    I am so sorry you have had to walk this path, Matushka. God bless you. You and the little one remain fervently in my prayers.

    (another) Elizabeth

    ReplyDelete
  4. Congratulations! I'll be praying for you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Congratulations. We, too, will be praying for you.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Have been praying for you since yesterday, don't plan to stop.

    ReplyDelete
  7. We've been praying for you every day and will continue to do so.

    And, you need not worry about the heart rate because it was normal for the age of the baby. Your baby is healthy and growing. Just get your rest and try not to worry. You have the prayers of so many people who love you and the little one growing inside of you. Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Congratulations, but also my prayers, Matushka.

    ReplyDelete
  9. i'm so glad for you Matushka. I have been praying for you and i will continue to do so. May God bless and keep you.
    Athena

    ReplyDelete
  10. Praying to God for you and your little one!

    ReplyDelete
  11. we are in the hands of God. My love and prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hello again dear Anna

    I'm the romanian mother (if you remember). In Romania we pray for the saint Nektarios from Aegina Greece. He help many people ho have cancer, and also help childrens and pregnant womans.

    Here you can read something about his life.

    http://www.ayiosnektarios.co.uk/miracles/miracles.htm

    Doamne ajuta
    Cristina

    ReplyDelete
  13. You've been in my daily prayers as always Mat. Anna... I'm sorry I haven't been by in awhile - things have been a bit rough around here lately... (I'm not sure why doctors seem to think that different forms of torture are required in order to find out what is wrong with someone!) :)

    It is true that this pregnancy will be a very new experience for you -- but there is the opportunity for so much blessing in the struggle. I will be praying...
    "Lord, have mercy!" My heart is with you!!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Will be praying for you and all the family Matushka Anna! Congratulations!!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  16. We'll be praying for you and the little one... I know very well that strange sensation the first time you're pregnant and feeling more concerned than overjoyed... it's not as much fun as the earlier pregnancies were! But there is a flip side to it - you understand things more deeply now. This is your sweet child today, and you are mothering this baby right now, and you are praying for this baby right now. (You are even soliciting other prayers for this child - what a blessing! how many people receive prayers before they can even open their eyes?) No matter what comes (and none of our children stop being vulnerable just because they're born!) you are today and forever this beautiful soul's mother. You don't have to wait to be his or her mommy -- you're there now. Congratulations! No matter where the future takes any of us, you are this child's mother and this child is known by and beloved by God. There is nothing more valuable or glorious in all the world, and here you are, a part of it for the seventh time. Glory be to God in the highest! We are truly blessed to partner with God in the creation of human beings.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Thank you everyone for your kind comments and prayers! When it gets too scary I'll come back and reread them. (:

    ReplyDelete
  18. Congratulations. Praying.

    Also I bet it's a girl.

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for leaving a comment!